Circle

One tiny circle can change a life.
It can become happiness.
It's simple yet so complicated.
It could mean forever.
It means commitment, which means scary.
That tiny circle is a world of unknown.
New mistakes, new problems.
but,
That tiny circle can make your world.

-Madelynn

Have you ever had to let someone go that you didn't want to give up? I hate that i have to let people go. I hate that i miss them so much and every fiber of my body wants to talk to them but i know that i had to stop. I know that i had to end things. But why does it have to be so hard. Even if it was an un-healthy relationship and it brought out the worst in me. Part of me wants to talk to them so bad. But i cant. I had to end it. For my own good.

-Madelynn Ann-

Ever had to make a choice of doing the wrong thing or the right thing. Even though the right thing would break you plus another. To choose to break their heart or not to. I hate decisions like this. I hate making people upset. I hate having to make the hardest choice i've ever encountered.

Breaking his heart was hard. I hated every minute of it. But i couldn't keep lieing to him.

I hated it, but had to.

Why is it when we make big decisions we just don't want to even move. Or think. Or speak. We just want to sit and be.

*Heartbreaker*
I sit here in silence.
Praying to god this will be over soon
Slowly releaseing the painful words that would stab him
Try to control my breathing
Holding back the tears that are about to come flowing
Feeling my heart ache as those words sink in for him
Hearing the tears come from his voice
Hearing him try not to scream
I feel weak and hurtful
Wishing i had kept my mouth shut
It had to be done
but i wish it didn't
My hand starts shaking
A tear escapes from my eye
Then the tears start flowing
Running down my face faster then i can breath
Tasting the salty saddness when i gasp for air
i can feel his heart break as we sit in silence
No one speaks
My chest becomes hard and stiff
I hold my breath praying he'll say something
"goodnight, i'll talk to you soon"
That's all i get
That's all i deserve
I sit in complete silence
crying and full of pain
I never wanted to be a heartbreaker

-Madelynn Ann-

Walking with God

Ok so I live about a mile and a half maybe two miles from my school. I missed my bus and decided to walk home. I did this alone as usual. As i was walking there was a girl behind me. Part of me wanted to say hello, but i wasn't having the best of days and wanted to think and to be alone. After about 30 minutes of walking next to each other she spoke to me.

Her: "Hi, my name is .........."

Me: "Well hello my name is........"

Her: "I noticed the cross on your neck"

Me: -laugh- "Well ya I'm a Christian, does that bother you?"

Her: "I don't believe in God."

Me: "I'm sorry to hear that."

Her: "Would you mind if I asked you a few questions."

Me: "Well it would depend if you would want an honest answer."

Her: "If there was a God why would my mother run away with that trucker. Why would I have to lie to my father about it. Why would i have to move here to the new apartments. Why would i have to move schools in the middle of my junior year. Why would God do this to my life"

I had to think about this one for a minute. I didn't want to say the wrong thing that would upset her. As she was asking me all this she began to cry. I could tell she was really asking me this.

Me: "Well, hun... I wish i could have all the things that would make it ok. But none of this is Gods fault. Life throws us curve balls and all we can do is swing away at them. All i can say is that I'm very sorry for what is going on but i hope that you wouldn't blame God. As you said you don't believe God, so i assume that neither of your parents do either. If you'd like i can give you my number and we can discuss this more..."

Her: "Umm... ok... I'd like that..."

Then we walked by her neighborhood and she said her goodbyes and we exchanged numbers.

While we were talking I didn't notice that there was a gentleman behind us listening to the conversation. After she walked away he came up to me.

Him: "That was very nice of you."

Me: "Um... Thanks?"

Him: "She needs help"

Me: "Um... Well I don't really think it's up to either of us to say if she needs help or not."

And me and him talked the rest of the way home. He walked me all the way to my house.

It's been an interesting day.

-Madelynn Ann-

life

how does it seem that when life is great and everything is good it starts to crash. how does it seem that when life has no problems, problems are created. sometimes we just have to look beyond the issues. it's hard. but its all you can do.

New pics :) haha dorky me

100th!!!!!!!!!!

Ok this is my 100th post. Lol It's so exciting. I can't believe there have been 100. It's kinda a shock for me. Lol but I love how many people I have encountered on my blog and all the wonderful people i have met through there blogs.
I've grown up a lot since the begining off my blog. I've gone through rough patches and some good times. I have grown as a writer and have becom more confident in my writing. So thank you to all that have read and i hope will continue to read my blog.

-Maddie-

Zzzzzzzzzzzz............

I swear I'm so tiered i could fall asleep at the computer! Lol im surprised i can type... Zzzzzz.... Sorry sorry I'm up lol. Finals suck! I swear they just drain you! I have apsolutly NO ENERGY!! I took my English and Math finals today which is the core of my finals. I only have one final left. Thank gosh! I swear i can't wait for this two week break it's not coming fast enough. Plus CHristmas is in there too but some how sleeping in and staying up late sounds more appealing haha. You never would have thought.

-Maddie-

Winter break any one!?!

Ok so it's finals week. I hate tests. Lol what teenager doesn't right? But i have two weeks of winter break!! whoopy!! lo I can't wait. Plus i'm hoping that i'll get money to spend if i go shopping with my best friends. I'm not one that likes shopping but my friends keep bugging me to go shoping with them.
Ok so I found this new song im so addicted to lol. It's called Don't Trust Me by 3Oh!3. I heard it on the radio the other day and I've been listening to it ever since! I love it! haha
Well life isn't all that exciting right now and that's all i have to say. Ta Ta!

-Maddie-

best friends

Don't ya love that best friend. Ha till they stab you in the back! Some times friendships don't always go according to plan. We think that'll we'll be bbfl!! hahahahaha i laugh at that now. Friends never are who you think they are. True friends are ridiculously hard to find!! So if you have a true friend... i suggest keeping them.

-Maddie-

Have you ever wanted something so bad you'd do absolutely anything to get it. You'd give what ever necessary to obtain that thing you yearn for. Sometimes the things we want so badly in life we can't obtain. We can't quite grasp them. We hope, pray, beg for the thing we yearn for. I'm not only talking about possesions but physical and emotional things too. Some yearn for love, acceptance, the perfect body type, happiness, that new ipod... what ever it is. Some times the yearn for the thing almost hurts because you want it so bad. I don't believe its bad to want things, at least not all the time.

-Maddie-

Is it possible...

How is it possible that i could love and hate some one at the same time. I love that person like there's no tomorrow but hate them like you wouldn't believe. I want that person in my life but like that their out of it. That person broke my heart but still i want them near and want to talk to them. Is it normal. Can it be so. That my heart can burn and want them but be cold and not want them at the same time. It almost feels torn.

Is it even possible...

-Maddie-

Worry

The pain in my stomach feels like it'd be easier to die.
Feels like the earth is moving but it's only me shaking.
Chest feels empty and hard.
Breathing is out of the question.
Thoughts bouncing around there's no were for them to go.
Tears rushing down my face.
Eyes red and full of pain.
Screaming inside that it couldn't be true.
To think or know of such a thing that could happen.
It had to be a lie.
I prayed it was a lie.
And thank God...
It wasn't true.

**Miss. Maddie**

In life there's two choices. You can go left... or you can go right. One way is the way you should go but the other way is the way were you want to go. Life is full of temptations. The problem is, is if we choose to follow that temptation. Sometimes we get our self's so far in a bad decision that we can't get our selves back out. We can't turn back around. Make the other decision. In life we always get the most hard choices. The thing is, is to make the right one.

**Miss. Maddie**
And about those cat pictures i actually hate cats. I can't stand them. Lol i just thought the pictures were funny. lol

(haha funny picture)
Ok so have you ever been so into a book that you can't put it down! Well a friend of mine has been trying to get me into anime. I'm not that into it. I thought it was kind of weird. But he gave me this site and said to go read any of the animes. Well i found one and am absolutely in love with the story. It's so funny I'll get so mad at the story I'll yell at him about it. lol it's kinda funny.

Well i can't think of anything else. So tata!

**Miss. Maddie**

Gosh got to love funny comics. Well i unfortunately have been ill. Yuck i know right. I hate being sick. Plus my head's all like mushy because i can't think. So i have again no idea what to write about. I'm know I'm so boring. But I'll have to think about something soon....

**Miss. Maddie**

ok so im sitting here staring at this blank screen that im supposed to write something about in. But for the life of me I can't find a topic. I thought that was interesting. That out of all the things in the world i could write about i couldn't find something. But i have been reading other blogs. And i highly recommend any of them that are on my following list. I follow each of them for different reasons. But they all mean something to me. Lol how cliche' i know. But each of them spend time to really write there hearts out. I love reading each and every one of them everyday.

Here are the people i follow:
Down2Earth
Falling White Roses
lyf....the incomplete novel~
☮Just Another Girl?
♡♥♪ჱStarry Eyed And Screem!ng♡♥♪ჱ

And all of them are worth time!!

**Miss. Maddie**
(And thanks Sara for the picture but i fell in love with it when i saw it so i kinda stole it. lol)

White picket fence.
Mini van in the drive way.
Cute little Spot in the yard.
One daughter.
One son.
The perfect marriage.
No worries.
Free from pain.
The perfect life!

Some how the American dream has changed. Then again of course it was going to change. New things were invented, new ideas formed, just plain new.

The new American dream is:
Nicer home then them.
Better car then them.
More money then them.
Better kids then them.
Nicer life then them.
Nicer, better, more!!!

The American dream has changed from a normal life to want, want, want!!

**Miss. Maddie**

There's something missing. Have you ever felt like something in your life was missing. But you don't know what it was. Just this feeling that something is miss placed or just not there.
Something is missing. And i can't quite get a grasp on what it could be. I have everything I could ever want. But somethings missing... I don't know how to explain it.

Poem of the day:
Perfect
The pain I feel I have to hide. I have to store it away and not let people see it. I'm supposed to be the perfect one. The one that does no wrong. But i can't. Get me off my pedestals that you have me placed on. I'm tired of the high standards and constant pressure. It's eating me away. I can't take it any longer. I'm not perfect.

**Miss. Maddie**
(And this guy that every one wants to know is someone who knows who they are so that's all that matters :-p)

Two new poems

Beautiful place:

Lost in a world of fantasy.
Lost in the unknown.
Roaming this place not known to me.
Pain no were to be seen.
Love filling every spot.
Finding that place.
The place were I can escape.
I can be who i want.
Do what I want.
Not worry about a thing.
The way that I feel free.
This place is my escape.
To wake me from this would be evil...

untitled:
Consume my head with your laughter.
Cover me with your love.
Show me were to go.
Keep me safe.
Hold me in your arms.
Make the pain go away.

If you can think of a title that could be good for the second poem would be very helpful.

**Miss. Maddie**